Today has been a rough day. It has been one year since my dad died. He had been having multiple health problems at the time.

He was expected to recover since he had recently had a procedure on his heart.

He was 86, he wanted to live. Dad truly loved life.

No one expected renal failure. He was terrified.

I made the decision to start palliative care for Dad.

He was so weak, his mouth was dry but he was not allowed to drink. This is where things stopped making sense to me.

At shift change, I spoke with the nurse that just came on.

She agreed with me that if my Dad wanted a small amount of water or ice, he should have it.

This wonderful nurse had respect for my Dad enough to level with him about how bad things were.

He couldn’t pass urine anymore and she left him know about how much time he had.

He died just after midnight.

We were all pretty overwhelmed. My sweet mother cried.

I was not able to cry, that came later.

Today I woke up with terrible pain. It took me a few hours to understand its source. Tonight I finally had a good cry.

Writing has always been an outlet for me. I have written several drafts throughout this past year.

Maybe I will find a few that I can share.