I am feeling sad today. When I go through depressive moods I am very unkind to myself.

There’s a few things that contribute to this mood, but there is nothing happening now that causes it.

When I speak of contributions to this deep sadness, I am referring to past events and regrets.

My pain levels are high. I am consoling myself with a quiet day at home with my blanket and my cat.

I am also getting too much sugar into my system. This just reminds me of feeling out of control and an eating disorder.

Its been years since I have starved myself to stay at or below 100 lbs. I don’t think I could miss a meal even if I wanted to now.

Ive been watching a lot of videos about attributes of person’s who have had trauma. I have every one of those characteristics.

I have a difficult time admitting to myself that my family was so toxic. I do have some good memories of my childhood and young adulthood.

As much as I want to slam the door to every painful memory in my past, I can’t hide from it anymore.

On a good day I can say I have very few regrets. I can maintain a positive face around other people. Right now it’s just me at home and the anxiety is threatening to consume me.

When I am in a better and neutral state of mind I can list the contributing events that led to my struggles with depression. It wont be today though.